Judgy B*tches

overcoming judgement

Written by Amber Swenor

As Soul Seed Strategy's founder and Brand Strategist, Amber works with clients to evaluate their brand, understand their goals, and develop a strategy that will deliver the results they seek.

February 27, 2020

Recognize these movies?

National Treasure
Book of Eli
A Knight’s Tale
The Mummy

Do you like any of them? I happen to love all of them! But when they were released in theatres, they were met with bad reviews. Whhaaaat??

Can you imagine if everyone listened to the initial reviews? These films never would have circulated.

It’s the same when you blindly believe gossip.
Sometimes, it’s best to give people a chance and judge for yourself!

It’s like differences of opinion with movies — some people are going to jive with some people, and some aren’t. We all have different perceptions and tastes!
Just because I love Lord of the Rings (it’s the best movie ever and you can remove yourself from this email right now if you say otherwise) and you might hate it, doesn’t make me right and you wrong, you are wrong.

It’s the same thing when you blindly believe feedback about a person without giving them a chance. There are likely people in your life that you super duper trust and you give credence to their opinions, but it doesn’t mean you have to take their word as gold. For example, I trust my husband’s opinion, but he can’t stand Sex and the City (unbelievable, I know!) so clearly I’m not going to take his word on everything! 

Recently, I was feeling crappy about a few situations where I felt judged by people who don’t even know me. I paused and thought, “if it’s happening to me and it doesn’t feel good, is it possible that I could be doing this to others in my life?” Upon reflection, I realized maybe I’m guilty of this behavior too!

Here’s the situation I recently experienced that allowed me to recognize this: I ran into someone that I did some business with a few years ago, we don’t see eye to eye, aren’t aligned on values, just don’t vibe. It is what it is. Recently at an event, I ran into her and a group of her friends. As they turned the corner I felt their cold vibes and judgy eyes upon me.  

One of the women in their group is someone who I’ve met in passing as we network in similar circles and is someone who I think I could get along with very well but we’ve never actually built our own relationship. 

Based on the vibe they were sending my way, I felt myself feeling shady toward them in return.

After the experience, I was reflecting on how bad it feels to feel judged by people with whom I’ve never formed my own relationship. And I realized, just as they were stank-eyeing me, perhaps I was judging them in return. I was judging the other women in the group based on who they were associating with. It’s true that who you hang out with is a reflection of you, to a point. But, I realized that I was unfairly judging the one woman in the group based on “guilt by association,” and that made me no better than them, and that’s not what I want. 

So I reached out to her and invited her for coffee so we might build our own relationship. It’s been a week, I haven’t heard back and that’s okay. I’m not sure what her opinion is and I can’t control that.

We can’t control what other people do but we can control our own actions, and we can choose to be a part of spreading the light rather than staying in darkness …

Here’s the point: sometimes people do shitty unfair things to us.
How we respond (or don’t) is an opportunity for us to deepen into our values further.
It’s an opportunity to be the love and step further into the light.
If we choose to sink to their level, that is on us.

When you feel the shade, and then reflect back shade, it makes you dark.

But when you feel the shade and reflect back light, it makes you brighter. 

You cannot choose where others reside, but you control where YOU reside. 

Not all darkness is bad; trust me, I can vibe the dark side sometimes, have y’all seen my band? 

But as a human, in the energy I project, I never want it to be dark and negative. Eww. 

If you value the same, check out these steps to go from unknowingly judging others to recognizing if you’re doing it, so that you can choose to step out of their shade, and into your own light:

1: Tune into your Feelings
In your future interactions, be mindful of how you feel. Particularly anyone where you feel a less than favorable feeling. Be intentional with yourself and identify where it’s coming from. Are you basing this opinion and feeling on your own experiences? Or has something been planted there? 

2: Shift your Perspective 
Consider that the person in front of you may be doing the best they can. How might it change your perception when you shift the lens of how you are viewing them? You don’t have to love them, but maybe you can come to a place of neutral… maybe, when you shift your lens, it allows you to see them in a new way, and this new way might be a way that you actually like. You might just find that you actually do have something in common or that you do want to have your own relationship. 

3: Choose Compassion
You don’t need to be everyone’s friend, and not everyone is worthy of your time. Whether you want to have someone in your world or not, it’s so much easier to choose compassion than hate. Just think about the feeling of it — when you feel disdain for someone, it weighs you down. When you hold someone in compassion, you feel lighter. Think of someone you really don’t care for. Think about despising them, how does that feel? Now, evoke a feeling of compassion. Have compassion for their ignorance, their negativity, maybe they have some crap they are working through and it’s what makes them ugly; have compassion for what they may have experienced in life. Doesn’t that compassion feel lighter and flow easier?

Not everyone is going to love all the same things, movies, or people.
Just like the people who don’t love Lord of the Rings are not fine people. 

Not everyone is meant to be friends, that is A-okay.

But, isn’t it best if you give yourself and the other party the opportunity to decide that for yourself rather than relying on what the critics have to say?

If movie lovers would have listened to the critics, we’d never know movies like National
Treasure or A Knight’s Tale…

And I don’t know about you, but in my opinion, Heath Ledger circa 2001 is not to be missed… best you judge for yourself 🙂

 

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